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RE: U-571: My (Harsh) Review
Posted by: Daryl Carpenter ()
Date: June 28, 2001 03:59PM

<HTML>1. The performances were SO dull, they should have used blocks of wood suspended from strings.
2. The suspense scenes were good for nappy-time.
3. The German characters were retards who couldn\'t conquer a sandbox.
4. The action scenes were pathetic.
5. There were so many OO)-AHHHH! shots I felt like running up a wall.
6. The submarine felt as cramped as a sitcom living room.
7. I felt a greater sense of wartime sense watching Kelly\'s Heroes. (Oh wait, I never saw Kelly\'s Heroes)
8. The movie was so cliched I knew how it would end before I was even conceived.
9. The crew should have been stabbed to death with a Swiss Army knife for arguing with the captain.
10. The sounds were awful. The diesal sounded like some guy banging on a typewriter.
11. The music was so bad someone could have made it by banging their head against the wall, which I should have been doing while watching this movie.
12. Johnathan Mastow should be tortured to death in a Chinese Water Torture Cage while watching Manos: The Hands of Fate while he\'s being drawn and quartered by two Terriers for saying that Das Boot was based on a lie.

If I was rich, I would buy the submarine used in the movie, and torpedo Mr. Mostow\'s private yacht, and force him to go without food and water for two weeks while making him watch the six-hour Das Boot while being mutilated with a fire-poker. In fact, anyone who says this movie is better than Das Boot sould be thrown in a ditch and shot. Watch Das Boot instead.
How\'s that for a re-evaluative review? :)</HTML>

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Subject Written By Posted
U-571: My (Harsh) Review Daryl Carpenter 06/16/2001 04:51PM
Oh maaaaannnnnn, not U-571 again David W 06/16/2001 07:19PM
RE: U-571: My (Harsh) Review Clint Mitchell 06/17/2001 06:59AM
RE: U-571: My (Harsh) Review Kris 06/23/2001 01:47PM
RE: U-571: My (Harsh) Review DARWIN DAVENPORT 06/28/2001 04:24AM
RE: U-571: My (Harsh) Review Daryl Carpenter 06/28/2001 03:59PM
RE: U-571: My (Harsh) Review Fin Bonset 06/28/2001 04:43PM
RE: U-571: My (Harsh) Review Clint Mitchell 06/30/2001 03:55PM
RE: U-571: My (Harsh) Review J.T. McDaniel 07/02/2001 08:27PM
RE: U-571: My (Harsh) Review Clark 07/02/2001 09:42PM
RE: U-571: My (Harsher) Review t r york 07/08/2001 06:56PM
RE: U-571: My (Harsh) Review John R. 07/09/2001 02:57PM
RE: U-571: My (Harsh) Review Calvin Coates 07/14/2001 01:10AM


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